>(Because the “*” in f*ck totally makes it work-safe, right?)

Well, anyway… busily pulling together next month’s presentation of CineKinky wonderfulness, we realized this weekend that two major award shows were suddenly descending.

But with many thanks to our friends at the WGA, we found ourselves saved from the Golden Globes, with the gift of several extra hours returned to us. And with many thanks to our other friends at Fleshbot, a mere click and a tag search later, we were able to miraculously transport ourselves to Las Vegas and the 2008 AVN Awards. Just like being there, melon body spray and everything.

But after a loving shout-out to new Hall of Fame inductee, the ever-delightful Alexandra Silk – it is AVN‘s show, afterall, so we’ll let them make the big announcement about this year’s award winners!

And maybe next year you can be among them? Pondering how, with so many possible categories and sub-categories, we’re unfamilar with so many of the winners – Best Sex Scene in a Foreign-Shot Production? Seriously?!? – we point you next to Violet Blue‘s recent column, “How to have sex like a porn star,” including a few techniques from the pros:

Porn performers occupy the small end of the gene pool: They don’t look anything like you or me, and that’s why they got the job. They don’t need to cuddle before or after sex, they are extremely limber and can withstand holding difficult positions under hot lights for extended periods of time. They wax their balls, asses, vulvas, chests and backs. They get surgeries you’ve never even heard of to plump or sculpt everything from labia to breasts to calves. They have sex with total strangers every day, and the successful ones make it look like it’s not a job.

More of Violet’s illuminations on the subject are found here.

But you’d better get cracking. Just 363 days to go, now!